i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
