Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
