remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
