Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
