I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
