idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
