be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize