this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
