$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
