Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
