Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
