I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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