We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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