grandma shit on top of the toilet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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