I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
