I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
