She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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