haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Mom said you looked used
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
