Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
