when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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