Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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