Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
