We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
