You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
