i can't believe i had my finger in that
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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