peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize