It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Randomize
