Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize
