So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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