dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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