Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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