i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
