Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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