I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
