Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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