If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
