I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
