I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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