I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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