did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
