now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I could fuck to npr.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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