2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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