dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
