The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
