she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize