he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
