then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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