OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
