They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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