My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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