I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
