i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
