i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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