Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
