its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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