For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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