I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
