I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize