Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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