I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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