onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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