I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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