By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
