Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
