So drunk its hurt
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
