So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
