her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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