What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
