just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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