So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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