boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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