I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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