I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
