i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
