So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
