i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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