its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
