I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize