i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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