Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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