Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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