i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
