I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
nutella sex= disaster
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
