I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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