if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize