well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
