i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
