So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
